Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Beauty, Twitter, and the VS Fashion Show last night.

As per usual, it's probably been forever since I've posted. I wish I was a cool, frequent blogger like some of my friends, but I'm kind of scatterbrained and don't always think all my bouncy thoughts are all that important most of the time. So to the 3 people who actually pay attention to my blog-I (again) apologize for the extreme gaps between posts.

Also, anyone who knows me knows I'm a total Jesus-freak, but I'm gonna leave Jesus and religion out of this post as much as possible because I believe this applies to everyone regardless of your beliefs and I don't want anyone who's not a Christian to think I'm trying to convert you.

This is not another one of those "VS MODELS ARE UNREALISTIC" type posts, either. (Basic.)

Last night was the Annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. While although I didn't watch it (I was too busy hanging out with some of my favorite people in all of NYC), VS IS my employer, so I'm a supporter of the fashion show (or else I'd get fired…just kidding). I DID however keep up with Twitter throughout the evening and saw the never-ending feed of tweets from girls about how they'll never look like the models do. One post actually said, "models vs me" with two photos underneath: one of Adriana  Lima and another of a potato.

I mean, c'mon, a POTATO?! Don't we ladies realize how beautiful we are? Whether you think we were all designed or we were all by chance-don't you recognize how unique we are individually? Why do you need to look like Candice Swanepoel (who many of my co-workers have met, she's pretty nice)? She's beautiful. YOU'RE beautiful. You want to know why you're BOTH beautiful? Because who gave us the authority to decide who/what is beautiful and what's not?

Why can't you just be…you? Let Candice Swanepoel be Candice Swanepoel. Let Emily Krull be Emily Krull. And you let yourself be you. There's an awesome quote by Amy Poehler where she simply states "I always wanted to grow up to be Amy Poehler." You should have that attitude about yourself. Look like you. Be you. When you're getting ready for the day, don't put on an outfit because you liked the way it looked in the catalog, put it on because you look hot in it. Don't' do your makeup a certain way because winged eyeliner is in, do your makeup in a way that makes you feel good about yourself.

Some people that I'm close with have expressed to me that they think I look better with a natural lip versus the bold red lip that I like to use everyday. My response? I politely tell them that I don't care because I like the way I look. I like my red lipstick. Not because I want attention. Not because I wanna look like Taylor Swift. Not because I'm seeking your approval. I wear red lipstick because I think I look badass in it and it gives me confidence.

Do what makes you confident.

Another woman's beauty doesn't devalue your own. Honestly, we should appreciate each other's beauty. I think Audrey Hepburn is the classiest, most radiant lady to ever grace planet earth. Do I want to BE her? (Well,…I mean…if I'm being honest-sometimes). But at the end of the day, I want to look like Emily Krull.

YOU GUYS, we should compliment each other more. Tell your best friend her eyes look really cool with the headband she's wearing. Tell your mom she looks hot today. Tell your Starbucks barista you like her eyeshadow. Tell the H&M cashier you like her blouse. Tell a random girl on your morning commute that her boots are cool. We need to encourage each other. Build each other up. Because the constant comparison is ripping us apart. And little do you know-it's ripping you apart.

Don't insult the way another person looks. If someone's being a douche, call them out. There's far too many douchebags in the world. But don't ever insult the way another person puts themselves together. Because guess what? It actually kills.

Kylie Jenner got a lot of crap for the rumor as to whether or not she got lip injections and she doesn't really seem to care. If she did or if she didn't, she likes the way she looks. Let her feel confident. That's awesome she feels good about herself.

I guess all I'm trying to say is, don't let another woman's beauty belittle how you look at yourself in the mirror. Encourage others. Because when you compliment another woman, you'll slowly but surely start to believe that compliment about yourself, as well. You're awesome. I love when you just be you. You badass, you.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014


Isn't it funny to think that being deleted from someone's friends list is considered insulting? The average person has about 500 friends on their list (I don't know, that's a guestimation) when 200 years ago, the average person didn't even meet 500 people in their lifetime (okay, another possible inaccurate guestimation). And if we get deleted from someone's friends list, we begin to question everything we've done to that person that would give them reason to delete us. We analyze the past month of conversations and wonder where we went wrong. (Oh, not everyone does that? Only me? Oh well. You can stop reading now then, cause I'm just silly).

Sometimes people need to be cut out of your life, though. It sucks. It's tear-jerking. And it all around makes your internal organs unhappy. It sounds cliche to say that people will always be coming and going through your life, but it's true. Some people just quietly fade in for a season and then quietly fade back out when the season is over. Other times it's abrupt jump into your life and then a crazy sprint out. (In case you didn't know, the second one is usually the harder one).

Like I said, it sucks. And even though it really makes our hearts super duper sad, the reality of it is, is that we're taken from strength to strength if we truly believe it. 

I usually have a pretty optimistic viewpoint on life, but sometimes that glass half full mentality is annoying. You know, those days where you just want to sit and be mad for a little while, we all have them, but we gotta suck it up, guys. The glass is half full whether we like it or not. 

That old season that you loved so dearly and held so close? It's time to be like Elsa and let it go. I KNOW. IT SUCKS. But this new season will be so much better than we can imagine. The transition between these two seasons can really be a pill and a half, but we gotta keep tugging on.

 It's like waiting for the next book in your favorite book series to come out. You REALLY loved book 4 of Whilly the Walrus and you're sad it's over. You may even go back and re-read some of your favorite parts, but it's not the same as the first time you read it. But Whilly the Walrus book 5 doesn't come out for 2 more months. What do you do until then? Keep yourself busy with things you need to work out and work on and next thing you know, it's time to go to Borders (which I know is currently out of business, but Whilly the Walrus isn't real, this is just a fantasy). 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that that heartbreak that makes you want to stay in bed and eat ice cream is only going to lead to something better (IF YOU LET IT-but that's a different post for a different day). 

I apologize (as I seem to always do) if this post seemed scatter brained, but that's kinda who I am sometimes. 

Just remember you're not alone. And you're loved. 

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Silly Emily, You're Not God.

I was texting a very near and dear friend (you know who you are) asking them about their day. They were being very short and quiet (yes, you can be quiet via text message) and I asked if everything was okay. The reply began with "Em, I'm gonna be honest…" which you know means you probably messed up.

My very very important friend proceeded to tell me that they had been distant from me because they always bend over backwards for me and I don't reciprocate. In fact, I got mad being told no when I wanted to hear a yes or yes when I wanted to hear a no. I'm stubborn. I want my way too much.

One of my little cousins (who was actually VERY little when he said this) once said, "'Fair' is when I get exactly my way," (that's probably not word-for-word, but you get it). I like fair. Everyone likes fair. We all would like life to be fair. But life's not supposed to be fair.

When my friend told me that, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm not one to defend myself easily unless it's someone I'm close with. If someone I don't know that well told me something I didn't like about myself, I'd just be all "Okay, thanks!" But if you're close with me, I will fight you and defend myself until you give up (9 times out of 10 though I realize that that was dumb and I go back and apologize).

But this time was different, as soon as I read that I realized how right they were. I do expect my way. I began to apologize to my friend and suddenly I began to rant about how I needed to not expect my way in several aspects of my life. I'm not God.

As I was ranting to my friend about how stubborn of a person I actually am, I realized that I was doing that with God. Several times in my life God has told me things I felt-I like to call them-absolute. I had felt like God told me some "absolutes" (but at the end of the day, it's God's plan, not mine, I shouldn't call them that anymore) and I was just kinda waiting around for them to happen. I liked the sound of the "absolutes" so I just kinda expected God to just make it happen.

It was like I was playing God and God was my butler who got me what I wanted. Which is ridiculous. And flat-out silly.

The other day I lost it in the middle of work because I felt like I was going nowhere in my life and I had no idea what I was doing. But what was I doing the past six months? Waiting for God to make what I want happen. But God's not this genie that we just ask for what we want and we get it. Nope nope.

I left work early that day and cried my eyes out-angry at God for not giving me what I wanted (people say that my two-year old cousin and I are kindred spirits-I guess we're really not that different after all-I throw tantrums about my way too). I called my mom and she told me that I can't just sit around waiting for God to just give me all the answers. That in the mean time I need to pursue something and He will reveal himself in time-like he always does.

After further pursuing the things that my mom recommended to me, within a week I had interviewed for an elevated position at work (which rumor has it I'm probably going to get) and got an email about a director being interested in me for a commercial. While I don't know if I got the job or the commercial yet, at least I'm finally pursuing something. I'm not sitting at home watching Netflix (as much) and watching the clock on my phone pass me by.

I'm not God. I don't get my way. And I can't wait around for God to GIVE me my way. Because He has so much more in store.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

A House is Not a Home-Unconditional Love.

I spent the past two weeks in my home state, South Carolina. Going back is always just what I needed. And my trips never seem to last as long as I'd like them to. New York City never really felt like HOME to me.

Before going back to SC I was so incredibly excited to finally go back, I told everyone "I'm going home in a couple of days!"

But this time everything just felt different. I had the brutal (and one would think obvious) realization that my friend's and family's lives didn't stop while I was gone. The changes I felt weren't major but they were enough to make me feel kind of queazy.

One night I sat on my bed and cried my eyes out because I felt like I didn't have a home anymore. NYC never felt like home. My SC bedroom didn't feel like my bedroom anymore. I won't hyperbolize the situation and say that I was "homeless" but my heart was really hurting.

I hate crying because when I cry, my heart starts to physically hurt and the chest pain becomes so great that I start to cry over that on top of the heartbreak cry. This cry was rough. I cried out to God, "Why did you send me to NYC? I don't even want to do what I originally went there to do, so can't I just start over somewhere else? Why can't I stay here with my family and live life with them?"

I was so heartbroken that I called my best friend to talk to them. As soon as they said "Hello?" I couldn't find my words because I was so out of breath from crying. "Just breathe, take your time. I'll stay on the phone until you're ready to talk". And they just listened. "Breathe." they reminded me (sometimes I accidentally hold my breath and I don't realize it until I let out a huge breath, it's bad).

When I finally caught my breath and had the ability to speak, I told my best friend just exactly what I was feeling. They tried to convince me that because I was surrounded by people that loved me, I was home. "It's not the same," I kept repeating, "It's not the same".

Finally they said to me, "Emily, you have Jesus in your heart. You have a Father up above who loves you so much more than I ever could. Home is where the heart is, and if your heart is focused on Jesus, you're always home. Paris, NYC, Australia, SC, you're always home because Jesus has you."

I'd been struggling with calling NYC my "home" for two years (which is actually how long I've lived there). I always referred to it as home just because it was too much effort to say "the place where I'm currently living".

When I first moved to NYC, the song "Home" by Phillip Phillips played as I drove into the city (which I'm fairly certain I've blogged about before). The lyric that always stood out to me was "Just know you're not alone, cause I'm gonna make this place your home," and I always heard it as the Lord telling me that NYC was going to be my new home. But it's not what it was, it was my Jesus telling me that "Home is where I am, and I am always with you."

I felt so incredibly loved when my best friend told me that. Loved by my Father. An unconditional love.

This is why I'm a Christian. Not because I want to follow a rule book. Not because I think I'm better than others. Not because I like my church. Not because I like the music. I'm a Christian because I get to know an unconditional love. I get to have moments a few nights ago in my bedroom where I'm reminded that I'm never alone (I don't know why I need a reminding, but I never get scolded for needing it).

Proverbs 16:9 says "In their hearts humans, plan their course but the Lord establishes their steps." I think that's why it's called "WALKING" with the Lord. It's like learning to waltz with Jesus. You make the decision to learn, He takes you in His arms, He teaches you and guides you until you learn the proper steps; but instead of letting you go on your own, He still holds on.

Sometimes I think that I can dance on my own and to my own beat, but I'm reminded who the perfect dance partner is. Sometimes He moves me in a direction that doesn't make sense to me, but it always ends up becoming a beautiful piece of the dance.

Dancing with Jesus is my home.

I hope this post was a little less scatter-brained than some of my previous posts, but I post these for me.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Son of God-How Deep the Father's Love

Whenever I get around to writing a blog post, I'm always annoyed with myself that it's always probably been about six months since my last post. Well, let's just ignore that fact so I can tell you what I got out of the new movie Son of God.

While Son of God had a few Biblical inaccuracies, I still found myself sobbing the whole movie. From the Heaven is For Real trailer until the ending credits (you can ask my roommate, she'll tell you it's true) I could not stop crying. Jesus' birth, His miracles, His death, even when the children ran to him and He hugged them, I was crying. I knew all the stories that were put into the movie, what was going to happen, what Jesus does, (basically it wasn't the thriller-let's just say I already read the book). 

One day someone once asked me why the death of Jesus is known to be the most torture a human has ever endured. They began to name off several historical instances where human beings had received worse torture. Back then, I didn't have an answer. But during this movie I thought of that conversation and it really hit me. I knew the correct answer, but I didn't know how to put it into words then- Jesus went through all this physical torture, but spiritually was receiving the most torture a human has ever endured. Jesus died for the sins of every person EVER. From the little white lie a child tells their parents, to a man robbing a bank. Jesus died for everyone.

During the death of Jesus, (while sobbing) I turned to my roommate and said to her "I just really love Jesus," and right then I heard the Holy Spirit say to me "But I love you more, do you see what I did?" Then the already sobbing Emily just lost it. 

Throughout the whole movie, (especially during the death scene) the lyric "How deep the Father's love for us" kept playing in my head. I've always loved Jesus, but I don't think there has ever been a time in my life that I've felt so in love with my Savior. That's all I can really say. That's the only way I know how to put it. I'm in love with Jesus. There. End of Story.